If only in our lives there was a point where we all see this sign. Then nothing can go wrong.
i came on here with so many thoughts, so many things to let out.
and my mind goes blank.
so much has been going on in the past couple of days and im tired with pretending that things will fall into place by themselves because they won’t.
I dont know whats wrong and right, i repeatedly keep doubting everything everything everything that i do i dont know what to do what to think or even if its worth getting up anymore
Im a good friend, or atleast thats what id like to believe.
im always here to listen to everybody, i always put others before me, always every hour of the day, and i dont mind it at all really, but i think its getting the best of me finally, and it sucks cause i feel like im breaking. i feel like my emotions are wrong with the situation im dealing with at the time with everything and so i remain speechless at times, ive always known what to say to people going through rough times. And id even amaze myself at times with the advice i’d give others cause i could never take my own advice, as odd as it is. But lately when people come to me and tell me about their problems, i just dont know what to say and it kills me. and i cant even begin to tell you how much i hate letting people down, i live for the smiles of others and i dont know why.. most don’t deserve my company but its just the same as asking if i even deserve theirs. its all bullshit going to fucking waste i just don’t know what to say or think right now what the fuck does that even mean is there anything wrong at all no theres nothing wrong why would there be its just another simple fucking day of nothing and wasted plans and wasted time going down the drain and i feel as though ive been here forever when really not even a damn minute has gone by but where the fuck has my time gone where has everything gone where have i been for everything to change so fast am i still sleeping dont wake me up. everything i do feels so wrong. here and there, ive thought of suicide. yes i have, who doesn’t. ive never felt so sure about this. nothing has felt so right for awhile, lately i dont even feel like myself im not myself. i feel like im just another life form, floating through to get by a simple mere day of bullshit. theres no such thing as savoring a goddamn moment anymore .everything is going by too fast for me to even get a hold of anything. i cant keep up with anything everythings going by too fast and i cant even breathe without it being hours later. i havent been able to concentrate on anything and oh look im starting to cry. please tell me im just overreacting and all this will go away, everything will go back to its steady pace and ill finally be able to breathe i just dont want to feel like this anymore and the only option is to get out find the way out i need someone to tell me things will be okay. i want to feel like i matter. im so close to the edge and a part of me wants to stay but why when its the only sure thing to do. i think about it and i catch myself smiling about it, like i am right now. i guess i finally found myself at peace , when i think about finally getting it over with but then i realize that i’ll never reach that point. and it brings me back to a place that doesnt make sense surrounded by people that love to take and take and take and not even consider a fucking thing not even consider if it’ll hurt that person not consider anything because everyones so concentrated in bettering themselves stepping over people to make themselves feel better. i cant even grasp a thought of all the bullshit i hear from people. maybe all these fucked up mixed emotions are coming from finally seeing the true face of reality. i dont know why im feeling this way and im honestly scared, i feel like everything will just turn black if i break from all the stress. everythings so useless nowadays and all this that im fucking complaining about couldnt sound anymore damn retarded. i just can’t nothing comes to mind when i want to write. i used to love writing, all these inspirationaly fucking words that would sway people are just bullshit where the fuck am i even going with this make it all go away. im so close to breaking. this is beyond embarrasing how i cant spit a goddamn simple word out. im useless and im just overreacting about everything and nothing matters i dont matter
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Wednesday May 2nd
And it usually does. Myabe one day I’ll find someone who has patince and believes in me and the love we share. Love is patience and love is kind…love also hurts but love will always find a way with guidance and time. You should never fear love, for if you fear you will lose
(Source: anxiety-annoyance)
